i wish i never see you again. the only time is when i give you the letter. or maybe i won't even pass it to you personally.

i stare at the photo. and you feel like a stranger now. you look like a stranger. its the way with all of them. how ironic. after a year has passed. i think i can finally step away. lock up the photos. and say goodbye.

it feels like a huge burden that's been offloaded. its not to say i feel nothing now. just that its like the bittersweet taste of dark chocolate in your mouth after the chocolate's long gone. i'll rmb everything. but no more conscious hoping.

this actually puts a nice conclusion on my 17th year. and good HELLO to my 18th (: i'm all for even numbers.

goodbye. have a wonderful life. i'll concentrate on mine now, and not miss you anymore.

: all i want for christmas is you :: olivia olsen :
with my birthday, comes xmas soon. i can't wait!

18

it so does not feel like my birthday's tmr. grumbles. normally i'll be flitting around, bouncing happily. all thanks to the bloody As. WHY DID MY MUM GIVE BIRTH TO ME AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR?! 2 yrs ago it was bio O levels pract. back in pri school it would be chinese exam -.- this is BAH. hahaha. but still, wth, i'm not gonna spend my entire birthday studying :p i'm gonna go out for awhile, do some shopping, cut my hair and go for a lovely dinner organised by my uncle (and hopefully not get too drunk so i can get back and study -.-) heh. i rmb bryan once telling me i'm the super enjoy life kind. hahaha, and i'm gonna enjoy my 18th birthday (: hell yea. hahaha. i always felt 18 was monumental. like coming of age (not like i feel very diff), but its a rather metaphorical i suppose. but anyway i love birthdays (: its my special day. haha. so happy birthday to me!

and also to:

my twin kory. hahaha. younger than me by 3hours (: happy birthday hamster.

and my darling KRISTINE!!! one day after me. hehee. love you babe.

: sunny afternoon :: stereophonics :

black and white

whoopee (: there's a new movie (the good german) coming out that i'm sure i'm gonna love and angie's gonna hate. hahaha. cos its totally in black and white. i just love the idea of the film noir kinda thing (: teeheehee. so many nice films coming out after As. i can't wait. everyone BEWARE, you're gonna be dragged to ALOT of movies. grins. let's see there's of course my darling marie antoinette, step up, stick it, the last kiss and now there's the good german, pan's labyrinth (very very cool), driving lessons (which has ron weasley. and terribly hilarious british humour) plus perfume (which is like my historical novel kinda thing. a tad bit dark. but that just makes it much more interesting!)

can someone bug me to study PLEASE -.- i'm so _____________.

hello rachel chou. haha.

: walking in the rain :: a1 :

wade robsonnnnnnnnn

i love wade robson :D i would gladly love to lick him from head to toe. yummy yummy yummy. teeheehee. he's like the better looking, better dancing version of justin timberlake. i like :D hahaha overdrive was FABULOUS. thank goodness sats doesn't require me to talk -.- otherwise i'd be croaking. screamed my tonsils out. hahaha. i miss the dancers so ): and i miss dancing more. wails. dinner with jingjing, viola, goldfish, leslie, bryan, terence (my junior who LOVES to laugh at me -.-), matt, sarah and nat. then split to watch the show. it was sooo good. well wade robson was good la. the sporean teams, well, let's just say we'll never be on par with dancers from the us. but i admit daniel and fantastic four were not bad la (y)

anyway, this is why wade robson rocks my socks. teehee. first one he choreographed (: then he performed at overdrive. u have GOT to see his sexy back one. -drools-





sats were __________. i'm super glad its over -.- left lnats on monday. good luck to me (: and i went bday shopping yesterday. TEEHEEHEE. angie heard the whole thing. i pointed out what i wanted, and let's see whether my parents shall be nice. grins.

: sexyback :: justin timberlake :

dreams

i must have slept like 40 hours in the past 48 hours 0_o i was just so tired. i could barely keep my eyes open just an hour after i woke up. this has got to be the backlash from my screwed up sleeping habits. (i can just hear rach and ming going hell yea)

anyway, i couldn't stop having dreams. 0_o one after another after another after another. and the funniest thing is that i can go back to the dream and continue it from the same place even when i wake up. i rmb my first dream was about going to japan to study under some school organised thing. and then it turned out we were being held hostage in the school. and no one had any intention of letting us return. so like 40+ girls had to escape. hahaha. it sounds ridiculous, but then cos the 'bad guys' were chasing us, we couldn't fly straight back to spore and get caught. so we flew from japan to kl, then to spain and then to spore. it was like watching a suspense thriller movie. we were running and screaming. and all the nonsense shit. and then i woke up when we reached tao nan 0_o then i had another one of all the latin dancers. the j2s. we were in a cab heading home after a dance performance. after supper, and then like 10 of us piled into the cab. i rmb cat, jem tan, dennet, alicia, leslie and yong neng. then in the cab we passed by like a whole row of macs and kfcs. one after the other 0_o and like once in a while someone will get off to buy food, and as we drive, we'd meet up with them again and pick em up. i rmb directing them to my hse, and seemed like everyone lived around the east. hahaha. and another was that almost my whole class went to cambridge. and we were sitting in a hall waiting for the interviews, and mel was next to me. i was telling her, it was my dream come true to come to cambridge with her. and then i was trying to negotiate with the others there, how i'd do the cooking and then they'll do the other household chores. teehee. weird i know :p plus, i always dream that i'm eating when i wear my retainers to sleep. wth!?

i've been feeling really reclusive and happy lately (: and not studying. which probably contributes to the happy part -.- roars. i need to study! grumbles. please tell me to study the next time you talk to me. doinks.

i miss my cambridge darlings ):

: nothing compares to you :: stereophonics :
char's suicidal depression song (:

ok. new resolution. i shall limit my blogging to 2 times a week, and if i have the discipline, then a hiatus :p i can't rmb when i ever went on hiatus 0_o

i'm listening to some rather old songs. from my pri sch days. its funny how the lyrics still come so easily, so unconsciously. emo songs are hard to study to i realise. gets me all pensive and shit, and i end up not concentrating on what's in front of me. literally and figuratively.

i wonder if ppl are gonna think my bday's on 28th nov now. smirks. like what happened last yr. i really wish my bday nvr comes. i don't want to turn 18. it feels so final. like goodbye childhood forever kinda feeling. not like i don't like the perks of being 18. i can legally get into a club now -.- and gamble. hah. not like it matters.

As are in less than a month 0_o it is rather terrifying. and so final. this is it. the last chance u get to get the road you want to walk down. images of my O levels keep flashing through my head. i don't think i can take that again.

i miss pj. i miss kayli. i miss geri. i miss pumpkin. i miss teo. i miss juee. i miss wen xin. i miss wan chee. i miss hui hui. i miss goldfish. i miss viola. i miss ziying. i miss dione. i miss iris. i miss dennet. i miss cat. i miss jing jing. i miss cheryl. i miss KRISTINE. i miss small denise. i miss small audrey. i miss my monkeys. i miss huiru. wails. i miss so many bloody people ):

i keep playing 'we're all in this together' to keep me upbeat abt studying. -.- i think its gonna take a hell lot more than that.

: the blower's daughter :: damien rice :

dance!

shit i should be studying -.- but i'm missing dance terribly.

for the boys: i love the mixture of east and west (:



and this is why so you think you can dance rocks my socks off! :D whoopeeeee! check out melody's extension. and nick is my king (:





i miss latin so bad ):







i love paso doble, but its so bloody hard 0_o its the last out of the 5 latin ballroom dances u learn. which means i have a million and one yrs to go before i can learn that :p haha. shall go back to andre after As, just need to find a darn partner. ooh, maybe zheng's free now :D

: imagine me without you :: jaci vasquelez :

wheeheehee. my maid offered to buy me the tofu cushion (: but i feel bad. but i love the tofu cushion. grins, i love xin jun more though. whahaha. obsession this is.

my picture in the batch book speaks volumes about my participation within my class -.- just a wee bit of info, its my sec 2 neocard picture with rach and ming. in my rg uniform. gee. but i shall refrain from more complaining cos i admit my 3s class spirit is seriously rather lacking as compared to 408 or 202. where i was little miss class spirit. heh.

rach commented i have changed ALOT since then, while ming says i look exactly the same. haha, ming said when i turn 80 she'd still recognise me. i really hope that's true. as in the recognising me part (: meaning in 60 yrs she'll still rmb me. hehe.

i'm getting annoyed with the prom dress shopping. spore has a lousy pool of pretty dresses. everything's black -.- and i promised angie i won't wear black this yr. so i'm irritated. and i need to really start studying VERY HARD. so i think i'll just buy online :p and then go shoe shopping which is the best part of the whole prom thingy. i get to get new shoes :D i like i like. i want the chloe wedges. but they're bloody expensive. grumbles. any kind rich soul want to buy for me?

oh yes. bday's celebration's after As (y)

school officially ends in 2 days. its bittersweet honestly. sweet cos i really don't like rj. i hate school. i love rj dance, the dancers and all the friends there. but i hate sch. so no more school (: but bitter cos it means less nonsensing time with mel suefaye jeremy and junwee. my four pillars in 3s.

: your ex-lover is dead :: stars :

my replies (:

from deb:
1. we use to hate each other. =p
2. stop watching your korean thing now! haha
3. orange.
4. your great fashion style and design
5. you jumping around during dance cause i was shedding skin like crazy post obs. =p
6. a pony. so girly and pretty.
7. there's nothing i wanted to ask you that i never did. (:

to deb:
1. you're prob the most shocking person i know 0_o
2. not club so often and take some care of ur health :p
3. neon pink
4. you say exactly what u're thinking (:
5. you peeling your skin all over the dance studio -.- and asking me a week later if i thought u were a bitch. whahaha.
6. erh, panther?
7. hahaha. the boyfriend question that i asked but u couldn't answer!

from rachel:
1. your socks match
2. eating without worrying about the C word
3. you were orange in rg, dark pink now
4. how i can miss the things i don't like about you
5. you and dee on our first day in 102
6. pig, because of how in sec 2 D&T your wood model looked more like 'sow' than 'seow' LOL
7. do you really have an inventory of the clothes i wear?

to rachel:
1. you look GOOD with straight hair. hmmphs. and i THINK your socks match 0_o hahaha
2. wear a dress to prom. smirks
3. dark royal blue (and why am i dark pink now?)
4. you're the external voice of rationality that i lack internally. or u keep me grounded.
5. hahaha. MISS HEAD PREFECT!
6. flipper.
7. why do you not put that hidden good fashion sense of urs to better use. -glares-

and to asnwer rachel's last statement, NO. u have too many bloody jeans for me to keep track of. grumbles

and my prelims are the joke of the century -.- my S papers look WAY better than my normal papers. whoopee. hahaha. my math teacher's gonna be scratching his head at my math results -.-

my birthday wishlist
- tens and hundreds of balloons for me to let go. one by one, and watch them float into the sky.
- horse-riding lessons for after As
- chanel bag (heh)
- marc jacob shoes. grins
- a japanese rice-cooker. (i'm serious -.- in preparation for next yr)
- a baby photo each from everyone
- get into cambridge
- holga :D or the old-fashioned kinda camera (and when i say old, i mean REALLY old kind)
- goong (princess hours) OST
- no more school from today onwards :p
- sewing lessons (professional one please)
- a dance partner (damn the army)
- an internship at a fashion label/mag
- long-lasting friendships (:
OOH. TWO MORE! hahaha. just thought of 2 more!
- the tofu cushion from goong :D here its bloody hell ex. but oh so cuteeee
- alfred the bear from goong (: teeheehee. this is madness but wth. here

and this is to help remind everyone :D look at the last 2. they are bloody ass cute. teeheehee (:

: sing for absolution :: muse :

babble babble.

i'm bored. and still hung up over goong (: heheheee. u can ignore my babbling about goong. it'll prob last a few more weeks. everyone who met me today had their ears worn out on how great goong is. i just decided its better than meteor garden. cos they concentrate more on the simple things that ppl tend to miss or overlook. only after last yr, did i realise how important the sense of touch is. so blogging i shall do. but shall cut down on that from today onwards la. with the whole month plans for studying i just wrote out 0_o i don't even have time to eat. bah. which is actually a good thing. grins.

i decided on a belated birthday party after As. heh, then everyone can celebrate without worryin (; think my uncle's gonna plan it for me. teeheehee. so fun. its like having a real party planner cos my uncle can throw rather extravagant parties. whoopee.

anyway, i just realised a reason for my obsession with goong. it really pays attention to details. be it sets, costumes, emotions or actions. its like alot of shows abt love stories, just concentrates on the huge major get togethers and break aparts, and not on the small but sometimes rather significant things. like the first time they meet, or the first they hold hands, hug, yada yada yada. same with life. we're too concentrated on the ending. and not how we get there. its the small things that make everything much sweeter and more lovely. not the presents, celebrations or declarations. but rather the small, unconscious actions, when stripped of all defences. that is what that matters. material possesions will disappear one day, but memories. they stay with you for as long as you treasure it.

the steps of their relationship. reminded me of so many things that i've tried to bury for so long. some good some bad. but that's all they'll ever be. skeletons in my closet.

congrats to my darling cheryl who got into dancefloor (:

oh yes. and i shall follow angie's lead. please do it (:

if you comment on this post and

1. tell me something random about myself
2. challenge me to try something.
3. pick a colour that you associate with me
4. tell me something you like about me
5. tell me your first/clearest memory about me
6. tell me what animal i remind you of
7. ask me something you've always wanted to ask me

i'll do the same for you!

: northern star :: mel c :

growing old

been thinking about my bday lately. part of me wants this huge bash, cos its the last time i'll get to celebrate it with all of my dearest friends and prob e last time i'll spend it in spore for quite awhile. yet part of me wants a small thing with a few friends. and then there's this last bit of me that wants to spend it totally alone. shrugs. not like ppl are super free 4 days before the As start -.-

anyway, to solve the problem for some of my dear friends (: hahaha. esp jeremy and junwee! no more how to flirt books. one is enough.

my birthday wishlist
- tens and hundreds of balloons for me to let go. one by one, and watch them float into the sky.
- horse-riding lessons for after As
- chanel bag (heh)
- marc jacob shoes. grins
- a japanese rice-cooker. (i'm serious -.- in preparation for next yr)
- a baby photo each from everyone
- get into cambridge
- holga :D or the old-fashioned kinda camera (and when i say old, i mean REALLY old kind)
- goong (princess hours) OST
- no more school from today onwards :p
- sewing lessons (professional one please)
- a dance partner (damn the army)
- an internship at a fashion label/mag
- long-lasting friendships (:
OOH. TWO MORE! hahaha. just thought of 2 more!
- the tofu cushion from goong :D here its bloody hell ex. but oh so cuteeee
- alfred the bear from goong (: teeheehee. this is madness but wth. here

haha, i'm suddenly reminded of my 16th bday present from screw. the lovely lovely cassette tape that they made for me. with everyone i knew wishing me happy bday. i couldn't stop bawling when i heard it. from screw to dee and cleo, 408 ppl, mel, aneeta and so many so many. the good ol days. hahaha.

: perhaps love :: howl & j :

princess hours (:

i'm in loveeeeeeeeeeeee :D with princess hours. hahaha. or goong. its lovely lovely lovely. can rival liu xing hua yuan. (y) i'm sure rach and ming will love it to death. i totally adore xingjun (: the stoic, pensive brooding type. i like i like. teeheeeee. if u haven't seen me online lately or haven't gotten any messages replied. this is why. i've been hiding in my guestroom watching the whole series with my mummy. the granny in the show's lovely too (: reminds me of my darling gran too. hahaha, and my gran loves the show too. we actually copied what caijing and the granny posed for a picture. i'll post it up soon. teeheehee. it might seem rather silly sometimes. but happy hopeful shows like these, eases things a little sometimes. and makes the world seem a brighter place for a moment. and even though the source of the light is fictional, it never hurts to dream right?

anyway, the past week has been spent playing playing and playing. shopping (ALOT), then kite flying, bbq, vintage shopping, dinners (alot of dinners. bloody ass fat now). spent with all my lovely darlings (: all the impt ppl in my life. and yet in all the fun and laughter. there were still empty pockets of space. drifted and apart. they lie empty now.

and then i fell sick -.- too much playing makes wan jun a sick sick girl. haha. recovering. sloowwlyyy, but studying officially resumes tmr (: i'm gonna happily savour tonight. and i shall put up a few pictures of my lovely xinjun and caijing. not that xinjun is devastatingly gorgeous, he just looks really well, princely. haha. and there's this sadness. that i saw somewhere before.





: starlight :: muse :